Disappointed

Well the weather was not cooperating today, but I thought that I would Try to get in my running before the weather got worse (colder and windier) I am trying to stick with this and keep myself going. I got myself all ready Len was home from work early and dinner wasn't ready yet, Turkey Taco Soup cooking in the slow cooker. What a great dinner for a blustery day. Any way Like I said I was getting ready I got my layers of clothes on and found my gloves and my pedometer. It's a really cool one equipt with a radio and clock the whole shebang.lol. I head out the door and down the steps. Start my warm up and then my first 2 min walk, only I can't get past the walk my shins are on fire and feel like I have Jello legs . I figure that I am walking to fast so I slow down. But it's too late. I can't run my calves feel hard as rocks. I just keep on going. Thinking that maybe I can get them to loosen up,but they won't. So I spent my whole time walking, just walking. I was so mad that I couldn't run. I was balling when I got home. How am I going to be able to do this if I can't do my practice runs, was all that I was thinking on my way home. My husband saw how upset I was and all he said was "I am proud of you for trying, you couldn't run but at least you tried and you walked" I felt so much better. So hopefully I can run on Friday, because tomorrow I am taking the day off. I just hope that I can get my practice runs in so that I don't fall behind in the clinic. I have Friday and Sunday to get my runs in I just pray that I won't fail.

Thats all for today!

The day has come and I survived!

So the day has come....... and I was really surprised that I wasn't as nervous as I thought that I would be. Maybe it was because I was busy all day doing stuff or maybe it was because Mother Nature was on my side, you see we had a long talk last night and she agreed that I shouldn't start my running in the snow and rain. But what ever it was I was more calmer.

So the time came to take my walk to the store, I live in walking distance so its not that bad. I just prayed that I would be able to walk home after. lol I get to the store and I think to myself I hope I am not the only person doing this today, to my surprise the store is filled with women only, makes it easier I think to myself I don't have to compete with any guys because lets face it men are usually faster than women. We have our introductions, but instead of introducing ourselves we get acquainted with someone we don't know and introduce each other, it was a nice way to meet someone else. I also found out that 3 of the girls work with a friend of mine and they are also inspired by her , she is the reason that I decided to run. She used to be very over weight woman. But has now lost so much weight. She took the clinic last year, a few weeks ago she finished her hypothermic 1/2 marathon. I am so proud of her.

So this week we finished our meet and greet and then went out for our run . We start with a walk warm up around the building and then followed by a 2 min walk and then 1 min run.We do this 7 times for a total of 21 min of walk/run I think to myself that this will be a piece of cake.

I start off really strong, I am a fast walker as it is, thanks to my experience with power walking. We finish our first 2min of walking and do our 1 min of running, I think that this is good I am at the front of the group with three others and not having trouble at all,I am doing really good for the first 3 rounds.

We start our 4th round of walk/run, I get to the run part and I start falling to the middle of the group. I am starting to think that this is not a piece of cake anymore, and I just hope that I don't fall further behind, because lets face it who wants to be the last person .

Round 5 it's getting worse Its getting hard to breath (I have asthma and its starting to get to me but I don't need my inhaler as I prepared earlier) I am feeling really hot and sweaty, and I am falling further behind.

Round 6 I get a stitch in my side man those are painful and I find that I am now at the back of the group with one other person and a trainer, and to make matters worse I can't finish running the whole minute almost but can't.

Round 7 I finish, I am at the back of the group can only run for about 25 seconds feel horrible that I can't run, my lungs are on fire and my calves are so stiff and feel heavy. I make it back to the store. I think to myself, I did it! I did it by myself and I did the best I could,and I didn't quit. I am so proud of myself.

I walk home with a smile on my face, I finally did something for me and it felt great. So what if I was at the back at the end. the point was that I finished.

I get in the door, and all I see is my husband's arm reached out with a big water bottle filled with Ice cold water, I plop myself on the couch and all of a sudden I feel like a puddle of mush my legs and butt start to hurt. The kids come and curl up beside me and we read a couple of books. I cough a few times,but its all good because, i know that I am bettering myself for myself and my family.

So I survived the first day!

Hmmmm........

I made this blog in August, but when it came right down to it I didn't really know where to start or what to say, or what I wanted this to be about. So it was left blank until now.

I think that I now have an idea of where to start and what I want this blog to be about. My journey. So here goes..........

It's January and I have decided that I am going to stop doing New Years resolutions, why because I always fail so miserably. What am I talking about?......My weight of course and trying to loose it. I always start every January 2nd dieting and working out and I do good I start off strong and then within the first week of the second month or around there give or take a couple of weeks, I simply rebel I stop all together, why do I do this I am not sure self sabotage. Feelings of unworthiness, for the little voice in the back of my head that says that I am going to quit so i may as well just do it now. So what do I do I give in and become mad and angry and bitter.

So this year is different, how you ask? This year I gave up the old January 2nd ritual, It was well into January when i even thought what am I going to do I want to change but how? what can I do different, I started the old South Beach Diet, yeah sure Phase 1 was so incredibly hard I almost didn't make it through the 2 weeks of it but I manage to do it. Then it was time for Phase 2 I am not sure what happened there but it seems like every time i am able to get to the second Phase it feels impossible to follow. I felt myself becoming angry with myself once again. I know I want to do something and I have been thinking about learning to run. I used to run but have not done it in a very very long time.

A friend of mine decided that she wanted to run too, so we both decided that this March we would do the Learn to Run clinic at the Running Room. She has sadly had to back out due to timing issues conflicts in the scheduling of the course. So here I am I have bought my shoes and paid for the course and I have no one to do this with, just me, myself and I. No Refunds for the course. there that is my incentive right there. I am not one to throw away money and thats what I will be doing, if I don't do this. I keep thinking $70.00 I could have used that money to buy my kids new clothes or shoes or to pay for one of my kids to go to soccer. Instead this year I am being selfish. Yes SELFISH I know it's not a word that I am used to. So this is my incentive to lose the weight and finally get back to what I used to be before kids and hubby. I have lost myself over the years and don't know how to get back on track this is my first step, I start the Running Room on Monday I am so scared I have butterflies in my stomach, scared of what? I am not sure, probably mostly failing. I want so bad to succeed, if I succeed in this then I have won I can do anything.

So this is my journey I will be writing as often as I can on my progress,and my feelings. This blog will be raw and real and true. I hope you all will stay tuned.