Hmmmm........

I made this blog in August, but when it came right down to it I didn't really know where to start or what to say, or what I wanted this to be about. So it was left blank until now.

I think that I now have an idea of where to start and what I want this blog to be about. My journey. So here goes..........

It's January and I have decided that I am going to stop doing New Years resolutions, why because I always fail so miserably. What am I talking about?......My weight of course and trying to loose it. I always start every January 2nd dieting and working out and I do good I start off strong and then within the first week of the second month or around there give or take a couple of weeks, I simply rebel I stop all together, why do I do this I am not sure self sabotage. Feelings of unworthiness, for the little voice in the back of my head that says that I am going to quit so i may as well just do it now. So what do I do I give in and become mad and angry and bitter.

So this year is different, how you ask? This year I gave up the old January 2nd ritual, It was well into January when i even thought what am I going to do I want to change but how? what can I do different, I started the old South Beach Diet, yeah sure Phase 1 was so incredibly hard I almost didn't make it through the 2 weeks of it but I manage to do it. Then it was time for Phase 2 I am not sure what happened there but it seems like every time i am able to get to the second Phase it feels impossible to follow. I felt myself becoming angry with myself once again. I know I want to do something and I have been thinking about learning to run. I used to run but have not done it in a very very long time.

A friend of mine decided that she wanted to run too, so we both decided that this March we would do the Learn to Run clinic at the Running Room. She has sadly had to back out due to timing issues conflicts in the scheduling of the course. So here I am I have bought my shoes and paid for the course and I have no one to do this with, just me, myself and I. No Refunds for the course. there that is my incentive right there. I am not one to throw away money and thats what I will be doing, if I don't do this. I keep thinking $70.00 I could have used that money to buy my kids new clothes or shoes or to pay for one of my kids to go to soccer. Instead this year I am being selfish. Yes SELFISH I know it's not a word that I am used to. So this is my incentive to lose the weight and finally get back to what I used to be before kids and hubby. I have lost myself over the years and don't know how to get back on track this is my first step, I start the Running Room on Monday I am so scared I have butterflies in my stomach, scared of what? I am not sure, probably mostly failing. I want so bad to succeed, if I succeed in this then I have won I can do anything.

So this is my journey I will be writing as often as I can on my progress,and my feelings. This blog will be raw and real and true. I hope you all will stay tuned.